9.21.2009
Sorry
Sometimes, the timing just isn't right. I've realized that this blog isn't right for me, for now, for the times. Rather than keep you (both? three) waiting, I'm going to sign off and concentrate on what makes most sense to me now. Thanks for your support.
9.10.2009
8.31.2009
8.30.2009
8.28.2009
I'm like Hopper with an iPhone
wants coffee.
8.26.2009
Tangy tomato condiment
Why am I not calling the finished product ketchup? Mainly because it's much better: vinegary, sharp, intensely tomatoey, with a bit of a kick. It's not bright red, because no food dye is involved, and because I used a mix of red, orange, yellow, and white tomatoes. And it's not sweet because high fructose corn syrup is not present. This experiment totally makes me want to dig out my mother's homemade mustard recipe and make the world's best burger.
P.S. You want food photography? Go read A Crafty Lass (and keep in mind that she keeps Eric M chained to her desk, taking photographs ad nauseum until he cries like a baby).
8.23.2009
To begin the week
1. Please don't display candles where you wouldn't burn candles.
2. Avoid placing bowls of fruit in a room where you wouldn't eat fruit.
3. And no little piles of potpourri anywhere. It's not 1988, NO one likes the smell, whatever you have setting there is dusty, and Holly Hobby is dead. Seriously, go empty the bowl into the trash. Right now. I'll be here. . . . There doesn't that seem better? Your tabletop can breathe, and so can the inhabitants of your home.
2. Avoid placing bowls of fruit in a room where you wouldn't eat fruit.
3. And no little piles of potpourri anywhere. It's not 1988, NO one likes the smell, whatever you have setting there is dusty, and Holly Hobby is dead. Seriously, go empty the bowl into the trash. Right now. I'll be here. . . . There doesn't that seem better? Your tabletop can breathe, and so can the inhabitants of your home.
8.20.2009
GayWay, less fabulous edition
Sometimes the GayWay is simply putting one foot in front of the other,
hoping that the world will continue to orbit safely while you figure
out what's next.
hoping that the world will continue to orbit safely while you figure
out what's next.
But you should keep that kind of thing to a minimum.
8.18.2009
GayWay Alert
A friend reports just driving by Tomorrow's Fruits Daycare. God bless
the good folks in the northern suburb of Coon Rapids for their
commitment to early indoctrination.
the good folks in the northern suburb of Coon Rapids for their
commitment to early indoctrination.
Things I forget to do
perfect. You might do this, too.
So not the GayWay
1. Dancing with the Stars
2. Tom DeLay
3. Tom DeLay on Dancing with the Stars
Sometimes I don't understand the world.
2. Tom DeLay
3. Tom DeLay on Dancing with the Stars
Sometimes I don't understand the world.
The halcyon days of yore
A recent letter from a reader in -apolis reminded me of a story with absolutely no point and thus perfect for a blog. In the spring of 19--, on tour with Famous Lutheran College Choir, we sang at the cathedral in Indianapolis. I was in the midst of a deep depression, having just begun the process of coming out (sorry to be such a cliche) and had just been put on an early anti-depressant—Pamelor—that had me absolutely lethargic and gaining about four pounds a day. During the concert I felt faint and had to sit out the second half.
After the concert we were assigned to our host homes, and my group was taken to the home of a single gentleman who had decorated his stately domicile (complete with turret) in Early Edwardian Bordello. I had never seen anything like it. Beyond the velvet and the tassles and glass figurines, he had a player piano, or two, in every. single. room. This guy was livin' the good life. I remember feeling slightly repulsed at his taste, fascinated by his absolute comfort with his surroundings, and a little charmed by his eccentricity.
The next morning, emboldened by what I had experienced, I used some styling mousse from the gentleman's bathroom and parted my hair on the opposite side. My new 'do was the talk of the tour bus.
After the concert we were assigned to our host homes, and my group was taken to the home of a single gentleman who had decorated his stately domicile (complete with turret) in Early Edwardian Bordello. I had never seen anything like it. Beyond the velvet and the tassles and glass figurines, he had a player piano, or two, in every. single. room. This guy was livin' the good life. I remember feeling slightly repulsed at his taste, fascinated by his absolute comfort with his surroundings, and a little charmed by his eccentricity.
The next morning, emboldened by what I had experienced, I used some styling mousse from the gentleman's bathroom and parted my hair on the opposite side. My new 'do was the talk of the tour bus.
8.17.2009
Dear GayWay #7
Dearest Professor of T-shirt Acceptability Standards,
Is it ever okay for a less-than-buxom lady to shop in the boys or mens departments? If so, which items are allowed, and which are verboten? (I must confess to having purchased a men's Spiderman tee, in anticipation of my novel going viral and my getting invited to Comic-Con 2011).
A Naïve Nymphet
Dear Not So Innocent If This Is Who I Think It Is,
Why on earth would you even refer, even vaguely, to the boobies on my blog? Because I did just a few posts ago? Not. a. good. reason.
Actually, I think women wearing men's t-shirts looks terrific, especially V-necks (I have no idea why, I just like it). As long as we're on the subject, you know what I really hate? Women's t-shirts. I hate their scoopy necks with narrow collar bands, and those little cap sleeves, and the shaping in the center (I don't know what that's called in real life). Just wear a t-shirt. Women can also wear men's boxers, white oxford shirts, and slouchy cashmere sweaters. You may not, under any circumstances, even ironically, wear a men's necktie. I don't care how cute and fun you think that outfit will be (and spare me the but-I-have-a-cute-plaid-wool-schoolgirl-pleated-skirt argument), you may NOT do it.
Is it ever okay for a less-than-buxom lady to shop in the boys or mens departments? If so, which items are allowed, and which are verboten? (I must confess to having purchased a men's Spiderman tee, in anticipation of my novel going viral and my getting invited to Comic-Con 2011).
A Naïve Nymphet
Dear Not So Innocent If This Is Who I Think It Is,
Why on earth would you even refer, even vaguely, to the boobies on my blog? Because I did just a few posts ago? Not. a. good. reason.
Actually, I think women wearing men's t-shirts looks terrific, especially V-necks (I have no idea why, I just like it). As long as we're on the subject, you know what I really hate? Women's t-shirts. I hate their scoopy necks with narrow collar bands, and those little cap sleeves, and the shaping in the center (I don't know what that's called in real life). Just wear a t-shirt. Women can also wear men's boxers, white oxford shirts, and slouchy cashmere sweaters. You may not, under any circumstances, even ironically, wear a men's necktie. I don't care how cute and fun you think that outfit will be (and spare me the but-I-have-a-cute-plaid-wool-schoolgirl-pleated-skirt argument), you may NOT do it.
8.16.2009
Dear GayWay #6
Almighty GayWay:
We lowly peasants residing in another city ending in “apolis” seek your divine guidance about the prospects of trading ours for yours and relocating to the land of many lakes and bookstores.
When we visit your theatre enchants us, your mass transit and bike trails leave us jealous, and the apparent literacy and conversational ability of the everyday citizen impresses us. Real estate prices aren’t too frightening and options for good vegetarian fare seem more plentiful.
But what we really want to know is this: are we more likely to get laid?
Indy Jeffrey
Dear Sad and Lonely (I assume that's what "Indy" means in your land),
First, thank you for the deferential and entirely appropriate greeting. Your country must place a huge premium on respect for elders. And how exciting for the GayWay to hear from a faraway, developing land! How excited you must be at the prospect of emigrating from your sad existence to make a new life for yourself here in the land of gay enchantment. We are eager to welcome others to our lakes and parks and bookstores, and we have many social programs to aid your transition. The big city can be an exciting but scary place, but since you're from an "apolis" already, you're ready to make the leap.
Will you get laid? I wish I could answer that, but I would need much. more. information before making a judgment. You can send any pertinent supporting documentation to doingitthegayway@gmail.com. I can promise a thorough analysis of your attributes.
We lowly peasants residing in another city ending in “apolis” seek your divine guidance about the prospects of trading ours for yours and relocating to the land of many lakes and bookstores.
When we visit your theatre enchants us, your mass transit and bike trails leave us jealous, and the apparent literacy and conversational ability of the everyday citizen impresses us. Real estate prices aren’t too frightening and options for good vegetarian fare seem more plentiful.
But what we really want to know is this: are we more likely to get laid?
Indy Jeffrey
Dear Sad and Lonely (I assume that's what "Indy" means in your land),
First, thank you for the deferential and entirely appropriate greeting. Your country must place a huge premium on respect for elders. And how exciting for the GayWay to hear from a faraway, developing land! How excited you must be at the prospect of emigrating from your sad existence to make a new life for yourself here in the land of gay enchantment. We are eager to welcome others to our lakes and parks and bookstores, and we have many social programs to aid your transition. The big city can be an exciting but scary place, but since you're from an "apolis" already, you're ready to make the leap.
Will you get laid? I wish I could answer that, but I would need much. more. information before making a judgment. You can send any pertinent supporting documentation to doingitthegayway@gmail.com. I can promise a thorough analysis of your attributes.
Dear GayWay #5
Dear GayWay,
Plaid. Yes or No?
The Tall One
Dear Tallness Isn't Your Problem; Blindness Is,
Did you not notice the blog masthead? Plaid is for all times, all occasions, all figures, all seasons, all orientations, all sentient beings. To disdain plaid is to be dead inside, or unnecessarily snobby. The GayWay deplores the snobbiness.
Plaid. Yes or No?
The Tall One
Dear Tallness Isn't Your Problem; Blindness Is,
Did you not notice the blog masthead? Plaid is for all times, all occasions, all figures, all seasons, all orientations, all sentient beings. To disdain plaid is to be dead inside, or unnecessarily snobby. The GayWay deplores the snobbiness.
Dear GayWay #4
Dear GayWay,
Do these pants make my butt look fat?
Derriere Evaluation Biz
Dear Eclipse,
No, they're very, very slimming.
Do these pants make my butt look fat?
Derriere Evaluation Biz
Dear Eclipse,
No, they're very, very slimming.
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