Almighty GayWay:
We lowly peasants residing in another city ending in “apolis” seek your divine guidance about the prospects of trading ours for yours and relocating to the land of many lakes and bookstores.
When we visit your theatre enchants us, your mass transit and bike trails leave us jealous, and the apparent literacy and conversational ability of the everyday citizen impresses us. Real estate prices aren’t too frightening and options for good vegetarian fare seem more plentiful.
But what we really want to know is this: are we more likely to get laid?
Indy Jeffrey
Dear Sad and Lonely (I assume that's what "Indy" means in your land),
First, thank you for the deferential and entirely appropriate greeting. Your country must place a huge premium on respect for elders. And how exciting for the GayWay to hear from a faraway, developing land! How excited you must be at the prospect of emigrating from your sad existence to make a new life for yourself here in the land of gay enchantment. We are eager to welcome others to our lakes and parks and bookstores, and we have many social programs to aid your transition. The big city can be an exciting but scary place, but since you're from an "apolis" already, you're ready to make the leap.
Will you get laid? I wish I could answer that, but I would need much. more. information before making a judgment. You can send any pertinent supporting documentation to doingitthegayway@gmail.com. I can promise a thorough analysis of your attributes.
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