Dear GayWay #2

A GayWay Query:

Or maybe it's a queery? (ba dum CHA!)

My question for The Grand Wizard of Glittering Gayness is, if you insist on a big, sharp blade for chopping fresh, flat-leaf parsley (DUH!), then why was that paring knife you gave me to cut limes for our margaritas so goddamn dull? :) Wow, there were a lot of commas in that sentence. Which ones did I need and which were superfluous? That's a serious question, by the by.


Hunting for a Hone

Dear Ho Hunter,

First of all, your letter didn't include much of a greeting. It pains me to experience the death of the art of letter writing so viscerally, right here on my very own blog. The recipient of a request is more likely to be amenable to said request if greeted warmly and submissively.

Second, impugning the knife quality of the the GayWay household is hardly the road to everlasting friendship. I will overlook it this once because you make really good margaritas. You should also know that the elderly couple upstairs likes to sharpen our knives. We humor them because occupational therapy seems like a great way to ward off senility. You see, our neighbors' children are scattered all over the globe, which means we're stuck taking care of them if they lose their marbles. A dull paring knife seems like a reasonable trade-off.

Finally, you really only need one of the commas, especially if you completely reword the sentence as I did while reading your first draft. I'll accept your revisions until close of business tomorrow; I can't promise full credit after that.


  1. I'm still focused on the chopping.

    It seems counter-intuitive to me to use the biggest knife I have to chop little tiny leaves. I used a very very sharp small knife (one of those cool little Japanese ceramic ones - an orange one, which stands out very nicely in the drawer) because it seemed proportional to the task.

    I guess size matters.


    Dithering Event Blossom

  2. ^^^ Are you chopping the leaves one by one?!?! Make a big ass pile of whole leaves, pull out a big ass knife and chop away. That's how GayWay does it. He just is able to articulate it more poetically.

  3. And by they way, I thought that "Grand Wizard of Glittering Gayness" was a perfect salutation and quite the compliment. I know lots of glittering gays but I only know ONE Grand Wizard. :)


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